Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
