Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
