i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
