So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
