i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
