he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
