When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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