Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
