its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
