Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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