Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
