This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
