well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
