I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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