He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
