So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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