I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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