Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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