She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
