are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
