I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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