CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
