Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
