he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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