umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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