I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
