My friends, they love my intelligence
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
