i just had sex bonerless
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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