Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
