I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
