I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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