well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just pee around me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
