I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
