Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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