I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You took a bar mat shot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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