we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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