She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
