I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
