i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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