a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
