Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
