I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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