do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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