you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
