i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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