your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
