and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
