remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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