ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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