I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
