I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
