I think my vagina is haunted
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
