I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
