Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
