That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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